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Top Ten Signs You Drank Too Much This Weekend

Top Ten Signs You Drank Too Much This Weekend

10. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile. 9. Thanks to you, Jack Daniel’s stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday. 8. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the car. 7. ...

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Signs That You Are Too Drunk

Signs That You Are Too Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects. 2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. 3. Job interfering with your drinking. 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. 5. ...

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Top Ten Signs You Have Purchased a Bad Beer

Top Ten Signs You Have Purchased a Bad Beer

10. TV Ads Begin “From the sparkling waters of Lake Erie. . .” 9. The second you take a sip, your liver explodes 8. For some reason, it’s sold in the detergent aisle 7. It was actually brewed by Penny ...

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Norm Quotes from “Cheers”

Norm Quotes from “Cheers”

SAM: “What’s new, Normie?” NORM: “Terrorists, Sam. They’ve taken over my stomach & they’re demanding beer.” SAM: “What’d you like, Normie?” NORM: “A reason to live. Give me another beer.” SAM: “What’ll you have Normie?” NORM: “Well, I’m in a ...

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If Operating Systems Were Beers

If Operating Systems Were Beers

DOS Beer Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is ...

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Beer Troubleshooting

Beer Troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house ...

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Beer At Work

Beer At Work

1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. ...

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Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women

Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women

1. You can enjoy a beer all night long. 2. Beer stains wash out. 3. You don’t have to wine and dine beer. 4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football. 5. When your ...

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Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Men

Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Men

1. A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up. 2. A beer lasts longer than seven seconds. 3. A beer won’t expect you to cook dinner when you’re not hungry. 4. A beer will never expect you to sit in ...

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Things That Are Difficult to Say When Drunk

Things That Are Difficult to Say When Drunk

Things That Are Difficult to Say When Drunk: Cinnamon Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Things That Are Very Difficult to Say When Drunk: British Constitution Loquacious Transubstantiate Passive-aggressive disorder Specificity Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When Drunk: Thanks, but ...

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