1. A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
2. A beer lasts longer than seven seconds.
3. A beer won’t expect you to cook dinner when you’re not hungry.
4. A beer will never expect you to sit in the wet spot IT makes.
5. A beer doesn’t care if you go shopping.
6. A beer doesn’t mind when your mother visits.
7. A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.
8. Having a beer can’t make you pregnant.
9. A beer won’t tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
10. If a beer had a sports car, it wouldn’t love it more than you.
11. A beer doesn’t want to go out alone with the other beers.
12. A beer doesn’t sulk.
13. A beer wouldn’t waste its money on Playbeer magazine.
14. A beer won’t switch the TV channel.
15. A beer doesn’t have to sleep with the windows open.
16. A beer doesn’t snore.
17. A beer can’t interrupt.
18. A beer doesn’t care that you can’t find your car’s carburetor.
19. A beer doesn’t think black leather bikinis are neat.
20. A beer doesn’t belch. Or fart.
21. A beer doesn’t mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.
22. A beer doesn’t care that you don’t balance your checkbook.
23. A good beer is easy to find.
24. A beer can’t pout.
25. A beer doesn’t have a mother.
26. A beer doesn’t have friends who will drink your beer.
27. A beer wouldn’t yell if you dented the car.
28. A beer won’t get jealous if you enjoy another beer.
29. A beer won’t care if you gain five pounds.
30. A beer will be there for anytime of the month.
31. A beer doesn’t want children.
32. A beer doesn’t think poetry is queer.
33. A beer isn’t ready until you’re ready.
34. If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.
35. Hangovers go away.
36. A beer tastes good.
37. Having a beer doesn’t make you want to take a shower.
38. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
39. A beer’s life does not revolve around the football.
40. A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.
41. A beer never needs a shave.
42. You don’t have to let a beer win.
43. A beer doesn’t care what toppings you get on the pizza.
44. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn’t mean you have to sleep with a beer too.
45. A beer doesn’t have morning breath.
46. A beer is happy to go where ever you want to go.
47. A beer will never drink the last beer.
48. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you’ve read it.
49. When a beer is finished, it doesn’t roll over and go to sleep.
50. A beer wouldn’t mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
51. A beer is never temperamental.
52. A beer will never complain about your cooking.
53. A cold beer is a good beer.
54. A beer will never worry about losing its hair.
55. A big, fat beer is nice to have.
56. A beer won’t steal the covers.
57. You don’t have to laugh at a beer’s jokes.
58. A beer won’t mind at all if you’re not in the mood for beer.
59. You can enjoy a beer when you are on your period.