10. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
9. Thanks to you, Jack Daniel’s stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
8. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the car.
7. You’re now the proud inventor of the “Slim Jim”: Ultra Slim Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
6. Absolut wants to run an add featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
5. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, “Hey, it’s VomitMan!”
4. The doorman asks for your ID just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants.
3. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
2. Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
1. You’re now sober enough to realize “Drink Canada Dry” is a slogan and not a personal challenge.